It took me a very long time to accept that his behavior was nothing more than abuse. Looking back, it's clearly for me now to see his actions were very pleasing to him at my expense......How the fuck is another human being able to say such gutt wrenching words to anyone? Let alone, to someone they claim to love...... Cheating with numerous numbers of woman, at least 37 different woman over a 6 year period of time. Some of them numerous different accounts. Including my sister! The lies, manipulation, cheating, physical and mental abuse.
Things he has said to me.....
I'm worthless
Ugly
Nasty fat, man looking whore
That he hates me
Hopes that my grand kids see me die
To get hit by a truck
To die bitch.
That my pussy stinks
That my pussy is huge
He hopes I get raped
Tells me to commit suicide
Sad thing is there's much more that had been said
One night I cried and begged God to just let me die, I didn't want to hear the things he was saying to me any longer....... Not once could he convince me that I was any of the things he was saying...... however it hurt and still hurts like nothing else to hear someone you love so much to say such horrible things to you........
Here I am, God wasn't letting me give up now....
Blessings and Lessons
To truly understand and know something is to have experienced it..... To know love is to know pain. To know happy is to know sad. To know right is to know wrong.......
The lesson is the blessing
As I was writing this I finally for the first time in these 7 years was able to understand what happened was meant to be and I was able to experience every emotion and endured abuse that many couldn't handle.
Makes me wonder did he ever get it....it was also meant for him the same as me ........if he has, he will speak up to who it matters to with the truths and accept it for what it is. He would finally be able to wash it all away on his own, it's long over due time for him to truly let it go and let the love he's so scared of in and accept that he deserves it..he's not that person anymore. ..he's moving forward and wants to accept it and give back the love she's given him .......
She moved on.......
